TMI

It’s fascinating to me what kind of personal information people will share with their servers.  We (servers) are total strangers to our guests, and yet, some feel completely comfortable telling us information I would only feel comfortable telling a best friend or my mother.

I waited on a cute little old frail lady who gave me details on her recent dental surgery, apparently justifying why she had cheesecake for lunch.  She was pulling her lip down, explaining how tender her gums were and pointing to her teeth that had recently been worked on.  Needless to say, I did not look into her mouth while she was showing me only what a dentist should ever be allowed to see.  I just kept eye contact until she was finished explaining.  Then I told her, “Good luck with everything,” smiled and moved onto my next table.

A very common (along with my favorite) TMI situation usually happens when couples are out on a date.   At times it can get fantastically awkward like uncomfortable silences, or when it comes time to pay and they both just stare at the bill for 20 minutes or when they both Ping-Pong back and forth: “You order.” “No, you can order.”  “No go ahead.”  “No YOU go!”  Oh my god.  Someone go.   But the best is when it comes to one of the people sharing intimate details about the other person, sometimes going as far as delving into their recent newfound sex life.  I’m not lying.  This actually happens.  Usually this occurs when one of them has just stepped away to the restroom.   It’s like some women, and yes, even some men, actually can’t wait until the other person is gone so they can gossip, get advice and tell me their darkest secrets of the person they’re out with.  I actually had one guy tell me he was on his third date of the day.   Was he hitting on me to try to get a fourth?   Of course, generally speaking, if alcohol is involved, the probability of either one of them spilling their guts to me increases tenfold.   I love it. Bottoms up. 

In a completely different type of scenario, a rather uncomfortable, yet shockingly common TMI situation in our industry is when people tell us they have stomach issues and therefore, can’t eat much.  Okay, stating “stomach issues” is the most courteous way of letting us know of your ailment.  However, some people like to share precise details of their episodes with us, in which I will spare you from at this moment.  But you can use your imagination.  Diners, please tell us you’re having a stomachache and leave it alone.   There’s never a need for further details in regards to that. 

Not often do the tables turn and it’s the server who ends up giving out way too much information.   This might not happen to every server during his or her career, but it happened to me the other day. 

I must have been in an unusually playful mood.

I waited on a father and daughter from Minnesota. They were pleasant to talk to but they were nothing out of the ordinary in the beginning.  After I took their drink order, the dad immediately asked me, “So where are you from?”  I told them,  “Orange County.  About an hour and a half north of here.”   He replied, “So, a So Cal girl all the way.”  I replied, “Absolutely.”  I smiled and walked away to get their drinks.   I thought, “This guy seems cool.”  I liked him already.  I went back to their table and dropped off iced tea and coffee and proceeded to take their food order. 

Right after the dad ordered, he asked, “Are you married? ”  Whoa.  Where did that come from?  “Well… no I’m not married.  Although, I am kind of dating a guy, but it’s not serious.  He’s a lot younger than me.”  I gasped.  Oh my god.  Did I just say that out loud to my table?  He responded honestly, “Well that’s alright.”  I smiled, paused and continued, “I know.  Actually…  I was married.  I’m divorced.  So I’m just having fun right now.  A lot of fun.” (And, yes, I emphasized the words “a lot”).  Again!  Really? What am I doing?  He smiled and said, “As you should!”  I felt better.  The daughter smiled and looked up at me, “He likes to ask a lot of questions.”  I replied, “I noticed.”

At this point, I was blushing.  I was shaking my head in disbelief as I was putting their order into the computer.  Just then another server popped into the side station.  He asked, “What’s up?”  I smiled and said, “I can’t believe what I just told my table.”  I was in disbelief.  How did this stranger seem to get all that info out of me so easily? 

Next time I walked by their table, I noticed two people had joined them.   The two seemed like other family members, perhaps his wife and daughter.  When I greeted them again, the father introduced me, “This is Heidi.  She’s sort of dating a younger guy and is from Orange County.”  They all laughed.  I grinned.  Does he get this chummy with all of his servers?  It was so bizarre.  But I loved it.  What a cool dude. 

After they finished their desserts, I dropped the check.  Apparently he still had a burning question.  “So how much younger?  Ten years?”  I laughed and blushed even more this time.  “Eight,” I proudly responded.   The daughter cheered, “You go girl!”  Oh geese.  Talk about TMI.   My personal information wasn’t too risqué by any means, but given the professional environment I was in, it might not have been the ideal place to delve into my dating life. 

Then again, who cares?  He was having fun with me and I was having fun back.  And sometimes that’s all that matters.  It’s not Etiquette 101 and I’m certainly not in the top story of a New York City high-rise dressed in a three-piece power suit discussing his portfolio.  I’m simply serving humanity… with a smile… and a giggle… and sometimes, with a little something extra.  ~ HK ~

A Lot of "Awwws" Up in Here

We’ve all heard, “a little goes a long way.”  But in the hospitality industry where we generally feel unappreciated by those we serve, a kind little gesture, even a teeny tiny one, goes much further than a long way.  

I greeted a table of three consisting of a couple and a female, all of whom were about my age.  They were a captivating threesome.  The couple had this familiarity about them and the single girl was strikingly beautiful.   I greeted the table the same as I always do.  However, intrigued as to why I felt like I knew them, I had to find out.  “You two look familiar.  Have you been in here before?”  The guy laughed and responded, “Yes.  You actually waited on us (pointing to his girlfriend and himself) last time we were here.  We were the embarrassing couple celebrating our nine-month anniversary.”  

Oh yes.  The nine-month “anniversary” couple.     

I remembered them vividly at that moment.  Very sweet couple.  I remembered their reservation notes read they were celebrating an anniversary.  So naturally after I became privy to this information, I greeted their table by saying, “Happy Anniversary!  How many years?”  The guy answered, slightly uncomfortable, and stated they were actually celebrating nine months of being together.  Awww, to be in love…  cue the hearts beaming out of their eyes and up and around their faces…

Now that I’d figured out how I knew them, they were my “cool table” of the night.  As servers, we always hope to have one or two cool tables every night (ideally, of course, every table on every shift would be cool.  But we all know the odds of that happening are slim to zero).   Cool tables are like waiting on your friends: they know you (even if it’s just from the last time they dined), they’re chill, they’re polite, they’re fun and they’re in a good mood.  The key is you don’t feel stressed about them.  And, as you would expect, cool tables tip well too.  This memorable threesome was my one cool table of the night. 

After playful rounds of appetizers, entrees, and several rounds of drinks, it was time to bring out the dessert menu.  As I was walking over with the menus, I suddenly remembered their first visit when I gave them our famous chocolate dessert for their “anniversary.”  They were surprised I remembered what they had.  I asked if they wanted that again or a different one this time.  The single, beautiful female immediately piped up, “I want chocolate.  My boyfriend and I broke up today. I would actually love some chocolate.”   I made the universal “Awww…” sound and said to her, “I’ll definitely bring that chocolate dessert out for you.  And I’ll give it to you on the house of course.”  They were stoked and thanked me.  I looked at the newly single beauty and said, “And I wouldn’t worry about a thing.  You’re gorgeous.  You’ll have another man in no time.”  She grinned and said, “Awww… thanks,” back at me.  She blushed. 

After they all relished in their chocolate heaven, it was time to drop the check.  They said thank you a hundred times to me and eventually strolled out the door.  When I went to pick up the credit card slips, I noticed the beauty had written on the bottom of hers.  It read, “I had a really bad day today.  But you made it better.  Thank you.” 

Cue the “Awww…” again.  She didn’t have to write that note.  But something inside of her felt like she should.  I only assume it was because I actually did make her day better and she wanted me to know, in hopes to make my day better.  It only took a few seconds to write that note to me, and I will never forget it.

I haven’t written anything in over a month.  Tonight, when I sat down to write, I racked my brain about which encounter I wanted to share with others.  I’d taken a few mental notes over the past few weeks about story ideas, but this one just kept popping up. 

And so I delved in.  Because even the littlest gesture does go a long way, even perhaps forever into the future.  I feel it’s my responsibility to pass it on and put it out there into the universe. 

Because it’s my obligation to pay it forward, to serve humanity. ~ HK ~