Gluten Nation

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Every food server in the industry has dealt with guests with food allergies.  We're all different.  Our bodies can't tolerate everything the same.  In fact, I'm allergic to all shellfish and avocado.  That gets really annoying when I go out to eat (especially in California where seafood and avocado are practically staple ingredients in everything).  It's frustrating to tell the server, "I have to double check there's no shellfish in that sauce," or "Is there guacamole or avocado on those tacos?" But I know what I'm allergic to and I can get right to the point real quick.  And that's how most allergies are.

But with the gluten allergy, it's different.  In my opinion, it has officially reached epidemic proportions in the population because we servers deal with it on multiple, varying levels, on practically a daily basis.  The problem with this "allergy" is that it can range from highly sensitive (as with Celiac's disease – the true allergy) to just a slight annoyance (an upset stomach) to simply a lifestyle choice (for healthier eating).  

For the unfortunate slice of the population who suffer from Celiac's disease, they usually know, black and white, what they can and can't have, because, for them, it's a serious health concern. 

However, with the remainder of the gluten allergy population, they fall into that grey area of unknown and uncertainty, forcing us (the servers) to act as their nutritionists, which none of us enjoy, especially during a hectic lunch or dinner rush. 

These are the people who begin by saying they are gluten intolerant, but then manage to finagle their way back into that ever-annoying grey area of them being able to consume some gluten.  These grey area people bounce around the topic with never ending questions and comments like, "Well, if the spice has gluten in it, that should be fine.  I just can't have the bread on that entree.”  Busted!  Fake allergy.  Or.. “Now does this sauce have gluten in it?  … It doesn’t?  Well, that sauce doesn’t even sound that good anyway.  What about this sauce? …  So it has only a small amount?  Well, ok.. I'll just have it.  But put it on the side!”   Oh my god.  Then there are the people who say, “Are you sure this is gluten free?  Because I will call your manager later if I have a problem.”   Ugh.  I once had to go back to the kitchen literally four times to ask how they could make certain entrees gluten free, even though I insisted the ones I had already mentioned were the easiest to make gluten free.  Apparently the entrees I mentioned didn't sound tasty enough to her.  Well, duh!  An entire gluten free entree usually doesn't have that pizazz and flavor we all crave in our food.  

It's crazy how much media attention this allergy/lifestyle has received and how obsessed our culture has become with it.  I don't doubt that it's definitely a healthier way to eat.  I get it.  It's been such a hot topic that more and more restaurants are listing separate gluten free items on their menus, or noting it with a friendly little "*" next to their gluten free options.  We have yet to do this at our restaurant.  Unfortunately, it's probably not going to happen any time soon.  But of course, knowing the public as well as I do, there would still be plenty of people who’d ask if they could modify a regular menu item and make it gluten free somehow using the noted gluten free options. 

As servers, I don’t think we’ll ever be able to conquer the gluten issue with ease.  Until then, us servers will just keep doing our best to serve you and give you what you want (hopefully without an upset stomach) and yes, continue to roll our eyes in annoyance with each other in the side stations. 

So there's this girl...

So there's this tiny girl with big, wavy brunette hair who's been in twice within the past week or so.  She is one of the most bizarre people I’ve ever waited on.

She's allergic to everything but doesn't know what's in anything.  

On her first visit, for example, she actually asked me, “Does ice cream have fat in it?  I’m allergic to fat.”  Seriously?  Who doesn’t know ice cream has fat.  She continued, “What’s it made of?”  Again, who doesn’t know what ice cream is made of – milk, cream and sugar.  Then she asked, “Does sorbet have less fat?  It’s high in sugar though?  I’m allergic to sugar too.”  Okay.  At least she knew sorbet has high sugar content.  But really, allergic to fat?  Allergic to sugar?  Is this girl for real?  Or is this her deranged method of dieting - claiming allergies.  Whatever the case may be, this girl is no fun to be at a restaurant with.  She can’t have a boyfriend either. There’s just no way.

Every time I walked by her table, she’d get my attention, then start asking me more ridiculous questions.  “Do you use organic fruit?  Does this salad dressing have dairy?”  Of course, after her laundry list of questions, she still didn’t order anything.  The problem with these types of diners is that they’re incredibly time consuming, with virtually zero financial gain.  All questions, no decisions, no ordering of any kind.   Basically, one of the worst types of diners out there.  We, as servers, spend all of our time with these types, taking us away from other tables who are actually ordering food and beverage, and who will be tipping us appropriately.  And this issue almost always snowballs, eventually affecting our entire section of diners.  Because having to spend time with Miss Gazillion Questions actually takes us away from our clients who will be ordering promptly and who will be tipping us based on our performance.  So if we’re not around for them, our tip average just keeps plummeting all around us.  

On top of her so-called allergies and ridiculous ordering banter, she has a yappy dog named Fox (who looks exactly like a fox.. how creative) and who barks at all the other dogs. When he starts barking more than usual, the girl picks the dog up with her two hands like a baby, hold him nose to nose and says,”Nnnnno,” which as you can imagine, does not do a lot of good to stop him from barking.  If fact, it probably reinforces this behavior. 

Frustrating girl.  Annoying as hell dog.  They’re a match made in heaven. 

On her second visit, our conversation started like this:

Me: Hi again, how are you today?

Her: Good.

Me:  Something to drink to get you started?

Her:  Um, I’m allergic to alcohol.

Me:  Sure, iced tea, soda, juice?

Her:  I’m allergic to sugar.

Me:  Oh yes, that’s right.  (Keep in mind, she did end up ordering mango sorbet on her first visit.) I’ll get you an ice water.

Her:  I can’t have ice.  No ice please.

Me:  OK.  (Can’t have ice?!?) Something to eat then?

Her:  Well, I’m not really hungry right now, I just ate. 

Me:  OK.  Well then I’ll just let you relax for a while. 

I walked away and thought, “Really girl? Then what the hell are you actually doing here?”   

The first time she dined, she finally decided to design her own sushi role, then over 45 minutes later, went with the mango sorbet (allergic to sugar, I think not!).  On her second visit, she only ordered miso soup, which took her about 45 minutes to figure out, because she "wasn’t hungry" when she arrived.   

This is one form of an eating disorder I never knew existed. 

As much as I'm talking smack, I embrace these types of people.  They fascinate me.  I just can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like living in these people’s heads for a day.  I can only pray she comes back so I can wait on her again.  Even though she’s annoying to serve, she gives me great material to write about.   

And she makes me thankful I don’t live in a world where I’m scared of fat and sugar.  
~ HK ~

A Brief Pause Out of Necessity

This brief post is for all of my readers who've noticed I haven't written a single thing in over a month.

Most of my family and friends know I've been going through a difficult time; a transition, a major life change. But for all of you others out there, I want you to know I don't plan on ignoring this blog anymore.  I'm back and am planning on diving head first into this hobby of mine, hopefully stronger than ever.

Life can sometimes get ugly.  It can keep us from the things we enjoy and love.  As of today, I can officially say I am through that nasty headache which has prevented me from writing for what seems like an eternity.

Thanks for reading and your continuous support.