There's a Menu for a Reason

As the first hour passed on this glorious Sunday, I was talking with a couple other servers and one of them suggested that we just close on Sundays.  This was the most genius idea I've heard in a long time.

I've written it before, and I'm writing it again, "What is it with the Sunday crowd?"  Every Sunday without fail, these nutty diners come out in full force.  They not only make us work harder (with all of their special menu requests), but they completely knock us off our rockers with their snobby attitudes and poor tipping habits and make our day a living hell. 

The number one annoyance from these typical Sunday crowds is the special menu requests; a.k.a., ordering something that's not on the menu. 

My very first table today (of a six hour shift) asked for something that doesn't exist on the menu whatsoever.  There's a reason restaurants have a menu.  Do these people just come to dine at our restaurant for the view?  The location?  The sunshine?  My guess is a big fat YES.  Most of our beloved Sunday crowd strolls by, sees our restaurant, is simply hungry and decides to take a seat.   But when they actually read the menu they freak out.  Modifications are normal; no tomato, no cheese, substitute fruit for french fries.  Sure.  Normal.  No problem.  I am happy to accommodate those requests.  But when people literally make up their own entrees - meaning nothing they want is even close to what we offer on the menu - it's extremely obnoxious, to say the least.  And the kicker for me is when people order with complete arrogance, like they just assume we can do whatever they want, no problem.  That was my first table today.  They ordered specific items that were not on the menu, ordered with snooty attitude, then ordered their cocktails, closed the menu and pushed it away and started chatting with each other.  Like I'm  just supposed to say, "Sure, no problem," and walk away.  There's a menu for a reason people. 

This is the mentality of the diner: "Hmmm... They have salmon in "entree A."  They have the potatoes I want in "entree B."  I see they have the mixed greens I want in "entree C." And I see they have the sauce I want in "entree D."  I'm sure they have tomato, cucumber, mushrooms and feta cheese back there too....   Therefore, they most certainly can combine all of those ingredients together and prepare them exactly as I'd like!"  Bzzzz!  Wrong!  Not exactly.  If that's really what you wanted, you should have stayed home and made it yourself.  A restaurant isn't your own kitchen.  Nor is it your friends' kitchen, and I am definitely not your friend at this moment.  It's an actual business with employees, specific inventory and a hierarchy of staff.  Even on a slow day,  it's just not possible to accommodate these preposterous requests.  If we don't have something, we simply don't have it.  Why can't people understand this concept? 

And on busy days, forget about it.  Picture this:
The chef de cuisine is on the main line, another cook is on the deep fryer, two cooks are on the salad line, one on the pastry line and an additional two cooks on the grill.  They're all running around, grilling, frying, tossing, searing, toasting, running in circles, sweating and yelling at each other to get their entrees out correctly and efficiently.  Now, what do you think would happen if I went back there during the busiest part of the lunch rush and asked, "Chef?  Can you somehow make an entree with this part of A,  another part B with the sauce from C and ... "  (you get the point).  The chef is usually so stressed out, most likely sweating, dealing with thirty-something or more entrees at that exact moment.  The chef will inevitably give me the stare down.  "Really?  Are you actually asking me to do this right now?  Don't you see what I'm dealing with at this very moment?"  It's the same I want to kill you look that I wish I could give my clients when they order this absurdity. 

A special order here and there (on a non-busy day) is manageable and quite frankly expected.  But when I get special requests for entrees all day long, on busy Sundays full of demanding diners,  it really gets under my skin. 

Seriously, my work life would be so much less stressful if our restaurant could just post a footnote on the menu (or a sign on the door, because apparently these people don't actually read the menu) that states,  "We do not accept special menu requests."  And while I'm dreaming in this fantasy work world of mine,  I might as well hang a sign on the door that also states, "Closed on Sundays." 

Ahhh, that sounds like heaven.