All it takes is One Dude

The first day back at work after a five-day vacation can be pretty brutal for some I suppose.  I, on the other hand, was happy to come back to work.  I don’t get ‘Cases of the Mondays.’  I don’t think most people in the service industry do.  Our schedules don’t even come close to how the “real world” operates.  Our Monday can be our Friday and a Thursday can be our Monday (and it still doesn’t have that same feel).    We’re all over the place.  And most of us in the industry prefer it that way. 

I was excited to be back at work and was hoping to make some serious money.  Unfortunately, it was a slow night.  While I was hanging out in the side station hoping for the rush to happen at any moment, I noticed an older gentleman walk up to the greeter stand while pointing over at my station.  His mannerisms seemed a bit high maintenance as he followed the greeter over to my tables.  I saw him leave his card with the greeters then leave the restaurant. 

I walked over to both greeters.  “Sooo… what’s up with that guy?”  One of greeters said, “Oh you’re going to love him!”  Is she being sarcastic?  She continued, “He just gave Jackie and I $100 bucks for getting him that table!”  Oh hell yes.   Bring it on. 

About an hour later, his party of ten showed up.  I could tell they were movers and shakers.  The men were dressed in slacks and nice shirts and the women in beautiful dresses.  It was a formal business meeting of sorts and I knew I had to be on my A-Game.

Their party was demanding but extremely polite and considerate.  That’s the key to getting impeccable service.  You can be high maintenance; just don’t be rude about it.   Practically all of their food orders required special preparation (normally a pain the ass, but again, because they were courteous about it, I couldn’t allow myself to be frustrated).  I treated them like royalty the best I could, especially because I figured the reward would be great. 

And it was. 

At the end of the meal, the host of the party handed me a black American Express card (the one with no credit limit) and told me to add a 35% tip.  Score! 

I only had a couple of other tables that night, but it didn’t matter.  Sometimes all you really need is one large party  - and one really great tipper - to make your first shift back from vacation totally worth coming back for. 

No case of the Mondays for me.  Serving humanity is so much more fun.  ~ HK ~

Oh These Bi*tches...

It was a slow and gloomy June day.   While my fellow servers and I were waiting for our first table, we were having fun in the side station laughing and joking about the ridiculous shenanigans we had gotten ourselves into on our days off.  Standard shoptalk. 

Then suddenly things took a turn with my first table of the day.

Two ladies sat themselves in my section (cue eyes rolling).  Immediately they busted out their laptops on the table while pushing the place settings aside.  The charming host walked to them and handed them menus.  I gave them a couple minutes to get settled then I walked over. 

“Good afternoon ladies!”  I greeted them with a big smile, happy to have my first table of the day (trying to sweep aside the fact they sat themselves).   I asked them if they wanted to have something to drink besides water to get started and one replied, “Just water,” and the other, “I’ll take water and coffee.”  As they clearly weren’t looking at the menus, I asked, “Are you ladies eating lunch?”  The one who ordered coffee snapped, “No.  Just coffee.  Thanks.”  Seriously?  I took their menus and walked away.   I wanted to say, “There is a coffee shop one hundred feet away ladies.  Restaurants are for eating food.”  But I didn’t.

I served her the coffee then left them alone.  About twenty minutes later as I was walking by their table one of the ladies waved me over.  I walked over thinking they wanted their $4.25 check.  The coffee drinker said, “Umm… we decided to eat.”  They both giggled.  Real funny ladies.  “Okay, great!”  I said enthusiastically.  I got them menus and told them the special along with the menu highlights, the usual.  They said they needed more time to think about it.

After a few minutes went by, I headed back over to take their order.  Both of them wanted to make up their own menu items.  Of course they did.    One lady changed a salad around and the other made up her own specialty sushi roll.  Not that big of a deal… until the kicker.  “Oh Miss?!  And can you tell the chef to rush it.  We’re in a hurry.” 

Oh these bitches.  Yeah.  I’ll put a rush right on that. 

They sat themselves.  Only order one coffee.  Twenty minutes later they decide to order food.  Then they want to make up their own items.  And now all of a sudden they’re in a hurry?!  They couldn’t have figured that out when they first sat down?  The nerve of these ladies.  Zero respect. 

Ten minutes flew by and I checked on their food.  It was almost ready.  I went over to update them.  Before I could even get a word out about the food status, the woman bolted, “We’re gonna need that boxed up.  We have to get outta here.” 

Oh these rude ladies!  

I hurried back to the line and told the kitchen, “Hey it’s now or we have to box it.”  Chef Felipe looked at me annoyed.   “It’s only been ten minutes.”  I explained to him the absurdity of these ladies requests, shaking my head in disbelief.   They plated the food and the runner ran it out immediately.  I decided to serve it just to prove a point.  I then brought boxes, bags, set ups and sauces to go.    They, of course, ate a little and then boxed the rest, all the while looking annoyed with me.

Grrr... these ladies. 

I dropped the check.  She asked for a pen to fill out the room charge.  I saw her look at the tip calculator.   I smiled and then told them thank you and to have a great rest of their day.  I am a professional after all.    She left me $5 on $36 (between a 15% and 18% tip).  Keep in mind $1 goes to my busser and $1 goes to the food runner.  After all of that?  Thanks for the three bucks. 

These women are truly testing me today!

Bottom line, if you want to talk business and have coffee - and perhaps get a quick bite – don’t go to a fine dining restaurant.  Of course people have the right to change their minds (at first they didn’t want to eat, then they did).  But make sure you have enough time to do so.  It’s disrespectful to the entire restaurant staff to expect lightening speed food service.  You’re just going to make the staff angry and stressed out, as well as stress yourself out.  And as always, communication is imperative.  If she had told me they only had 10 minutes before they had to leave, I would have politely told them not to order anything and reminded them where the nearest coffee shop was. 

I don’t like using the word “rude,” when it comes to anyone, but come on.  If you’re going to be absurdly demanding and give me attitude while I’m trying to accommodate your ridiculous needs, you deserve it.  

Hopefully I will have the opportunity to serve the better slice of humanity on my next shift.  ~ HK ~

Best Quote Ever! (…well, for a server anyway)

I couldn’t tell you about any other table I had that day.  But I can tell you one thing: The words of this memorable woman will forever be burned into my brain.

When I heard what she said, not only did my jaw drop, I wanted to give her a kiss, clap loudly and yell out to the entire restaurant.  “Ding! Ding! Ding!  We have a winner folks!  The best diner-of-the-year award goes to this woman!”    

Okay I might be exaggerating slightly.   However, at the very least I wanted to give that woman a solid pat on the back.  I think my actual words were, “Oh my god, I love you,” under my breath. 

Her table started with two people, then it grew to four, then five and then to six.  My server assistant and I eventually had to add an extra table and place settings, etc... the whole nine yards.  They were ordering their appetizers and food at different times; some were drinking heavily and others not at all.  It was a very unorganized group, the kind that usually gets under our skin.  And it would have if it weren’t for my new favorite lady of the hour.

When it was time to print the check, I rolled my eyes and thought to myself, “This is definitely going to be a ridiculously annoying separate check situation.”  Right when I dropped the check, the frantic ladies began to reach for their wallets.  Dear god…here it comes…

But then, like the sound of angel playing the harp at the end of a rainbow, the quote that will never be forgotten played like music to my ears, “I got this,” she said.   “Ladies, please put your purses away.  My husband and I have stopped hanging out with couples because of separate checks.  Please.  Here you go miss,” and handed me her credit card. 

Say what?!?  Un-friended friends over separate checks?!?  Is this lady for real?  I really do love this woman.

Granted the day wasn’t even that busy.  Nor would it have really mattered that much if I had to split the check six ways.  Splitting checks is annoying and time consuming, but absolutely a part of our crazy industry.   It was just the way she said it; so bold and not taking “No” for an answer.  And the fact that she had apparently parted ways with some friends over it was hilarious!  And admitting it was quite impressive (from a servers point of view of course).  Those friends she’d parted ways with, however, might have a different opinion.

I’ve written many posts that were much more profound than this one, I’ll admit.  But lately there haven’t been a lot of noteworthy people to write about.  And as I started to write this post, I realized this lady stood out much more than any of the other negative people I could have written about. 

And I wanted to stay as positive as I could. 

In addition, being that Serving Humanity started out as an informative medium about the service industry, it’s in my best interest to share how much we appreciate one check tables for large parties. 

We practically do want to give an award for people who step up and pay the check for everyone.  Splitting checks really is that much of a pain.  

But if you knew you could be that memorable and make someone’s day, wouldn’t you do the same? 

And for all of you out there who do what this woman did, we thank you from the bottom of our little serving hearts.  

~ HK ~

SAVING Humanity: One Selfie at a Time

It was a sunny and humble Sunday afternoon until a group of five over-dressed girls (of not-quite-legal drinking age) bombarded the doors of the restaurant.  Everyone stared at the Millennials because not only did they have the air of self-entitlement but they were dressed as if they were headed out for a scandalous Saturday night on the Vegas Strip.   

Oh God.  Please don’t let them seat in my section. 

As they entered, without even acknowledging the hosts in any way (shocking), they decided on where they wanted to sit and walked over to their chosen throne. 

My section.  Of course.   

Once they sat, the host went over to them and handed them their menus.  Even though they sat themselves (one of the most annoying behaviors of guests at a restaurant of our caliber), I wasn’t busy so therefore; I had no legitimate excuse not to take them. 

The host walked over to me and said, “They’re ready to order.”  Of course they are. 

I walked over with a smile, professional as always.  “Hi ladies!  How are you all doing today?”  The apparent leader of the pack piped up, “Umm, we’re ready to order.  What are you guys having...” 

Soooo, you’re not actually ready...

As they were discussing options (and knowing I had no choice but to stay at their table as they figured it out) I could feel every single person in my section staring at them.  Between their provocative clothing and their bossy attitudes, they were a sight hard to miss.  After a loud discussion and an annoying amount of debate, they decided on a dazzling display of virgin drinks. 

When I walked up to their table with their "mocktails," the leader bolted out again, “We’re ready to order.”   I politely said, “Let me put your drinks down first then I can take your order no problem.”  The logical next step of restaurant service, young one.  It’s hard for anyone to practice patience.  But for the Millennials, I feel like it’s practically impossible. 

Once I took their orders, they immediately got up and started taking pictures of each other, and of course, countless selfies.  I think they managed to snap photos of every single possible combination of themselves as mathematically possible.  After that process was completed, it became social media posting and scrolling hour… in complete silence. 

I couldn’t believe it.  I didn’t hear a single peep out of those young whippersnappers for practically the next hour.  They were so consumed with posting updates and pictures on Facebook and Instagram (and probably other sites I don’t even know about cause I’m too old) they didn’t even come up for air to say a single word to each other their entire lunch.  The next (and only) time they spoke to each other was when the check came and therefore needed to discuss how they were going to split it.      

The Millennial generation worries me.  The Internet, along with social media, camera phones and Wi-Fi, has completely warped the perspective of our young adults and of what’s truly important in this world.

Obviously this topic is deep and pertinent enough for an author to write a book about and/or to have a professor teach a college course about.  Most likely both have already happened. 

And most likely every server in the world witnesses this recent phenomenon on some level on a daily basis.  

As I watched these dolled-up girls play with their phones in silence, I couldn’t help but to shake my head in sadness.  If these girls were 19 back when I was 19 in the late 90’s when internet and cell phones were just beginning to surface (yikes I’m old), they would have actually been enjoying each other’s company.  They would have been sharing stories with each other, talking about other friends, boys, their families and what interesting new places they might be traveling to.   And instead, it seemed they came out to lunch dressed up for their Facebook friends and their Instagram followers, not for each other.  And I know for a fact they didn’t learn a single thing about each other’s lives the entire time they spent together at lunch (except for who is more popular in the social media world based on who got the most “likes” in regards to their newly posted photos). 

As servers, we are observers of people and of society: all types and all ages.  I take it all in (the good, the bad, the selfies and everything in between) and digest it the best I can in an effort to better myself and to spread my newfound observations to others to better society.  Consequently, that’s the purpose of this blog.    

Whether you decide to call someone on the phone you’ve only been speaking to via Facebook messages for the last two years or whether you decide to put your phone down next time you’re at lunch with a friend, I hope this post reminds you to connect with your friends and family in the real live human world. 

Now that you’re done reading this on your smart phone or your iPad, at least text someone about this post and spread the word about Serving (and saving) Humanity.  ~ HK ~