Hysterical Reservation Note

Highly renowned, fine-dining restaurants with a view will always attract guests who come to celebrate something special.  From birthdays to anniversaries, to promotions and retirements, we see and serve them all. 

On special occasions, guests usually mention other requests in addition to the reason for their celebration:

~  We’d like a romantic table with the best view in the house.

~  I’d like a chilled bottle of Veuve Brut Yellow Label ready at the table when we arrive.

~  We’d like a quiet, private dining area.

These are normal reservation notes. 

However on this particular evening, the reservation note I'd just been handed was far from anything normal:

 Insert giggly laughter. 

My Sherlock Holmes instinct kicked in and a wave of questions and hypothetical scenarios entered my brain:

~ Seriously? 

~ Is this guy for real? 

~ Am I on Impractical Jokers? 

~  Is she really that embarrassed about the hickey or is he the one who is truly embarrassed? 

~  Did a previous server mention something about the hickey and it ruined their night out?   

~  Is the hickey from another man and bringing it up would remind him of her infidelity? 

~  If I mention the hickey, will she immediately slap him?
~  He did say "she gets embarrassed." as in, continuously.  As in ongoing.  As in... he probably gives        her hickeys on a regular basis.  Something is definitely wrong with this guy.  

~  Perhaps they have enemies who practice Voodoo and they've been cursed and are actually teenagers trapped inside of adult bodies (that might actually be the most logical explanation, being that it parallels the level of maturity of this tween-man's comment...).

As I approached their table, all of a sudden I got nervous.  How the hell am I not going to look at her neck!  After all of this, it’s inevitable.  Crap. 

I greeted them with my usual dialog.  But every ounce in my body was thinking about that damn hickey.  I tried so hard not to giggle.  I could barely look at tween-man straight in the face.  Is he thinking what I'm thinking?  Hickey.  Hickey.  Hickey.  Is she thinking it too?  Damn you Law of Attraction! 

I finished my introduction and walked away... barely hanging on. 

Did I just have a conversation with them?  I think I just had an out of body experience.  I don’t remember anything I just said, let alone what they said.  What did they just order to drink? 

I made it back to the side station and took a deep breath.  My co-worker and I looked at each other.  He eagerly smiled and pried, “So, did you look at it?!”  Disappointed and baffled I replied, “I don't think so.   I think she had a scarf on…But... Actually I don’t even know what just happened.  I don't remember a word I just said. ” We died laughing. 

I was focusing so hard on not looking at her hickey, my brain literally couldn't function in it's normal capacity.  

I will never crack this Sherlock Holmes mystery.  But it will forever remain in my brain as one of the most bizarre and hilarious restaurant reservation notes of all time.

I really can't make this stuff up.  ~ HK ~

I encourage my readers and followers to comment on this and tell me your opinion about why you think he “warned” me about the hickey.  

And additionally, I encourage everyone to write funny reservation notes to mess with their servers.  It really does make our shifts much more memorable and highly entertaining.