Mister I-Do-What-I-Want Yacht Douche

This super douche flew in and out of my life as quickly as the freak storm Hurricane Odile brought to San Diego.  Thank god it was over quickly. 

San Diegans had been experiencing record heat and humidity for several days due to Hurricane Odile which pummeled into Cabo San Lucas last week.  One afternoon during this sweaty week, an abrupt and wild storm pounded our city.  Flash floods, wind and lightning slammed through San Diego in a blaze of fury. 

Just as the wind picked up and the sky darkened, two guys ran under an awning and sat in my section to take cover.   One of the guys sat down with two slices of pizza on a paper plate and a beer in a plastic cup.  Really dude?  

I had to regulate. 

I walked over and sternly, yet pleasantly, said, “You can't have that here.  This is a restaurant.  No outside food or beverage is allowed.  I’m sorry.”  He piped up. “Whoa, whoa, whoa.  It looks like it’s going to rain!  We needed shelter. “  Yeah.  To shelter your pizza and beer.   I rebutted.  “You are more than welcome to eat and drink that in a closed section of this restaurant under an umbrella.  But these tables are reserved for customers only.”   His friend chimed in.  “I’ll get a beer.”  Fine... but still not pleased.   I looked at Mister I-do-What-I-Want and said, “Please finish that as quickly as possible because I will get in trouble if my manager sees this.”  Not really true.  However it’s always good to blame the manager when you’re regulating a guest so they don’t get mad at you.  You always want to have a good relationship with the guest.  They do, after all, pay your bills.

I brought the guy his beer.  Of course right when I brought the beer, Mister I-Do-What-I-Want had finished his ghetto beer and pizza and said, “You know I think I'll take a beer too.”  Douche.  A pet peeve of all servers is when a guest orders a drink right when you just brought the other person one.  Unbelievably time wasting.  Like… really you didn’t know two minutes ago you were going to want another one?  Douche. 

I took his plastic beer cup, paper plate and napkins and threw them in the trash.  When I came back with his beer, he informed me that his friend just bought a yacht and they were celebrating.  Really?  Celebrating a yacht purchase with two slices and a beer out of a plastic cup?  Maybe someone should have bought a yacht in the next price tier down. 

I noticed they were both wearing the same yacht company tee shirt.  I asked jokingly, “Did these shirts come with the purchase of the yacht? “ Of course they did.    Then Mister I-Do-What-I-Want said, “Wow.  You’re a lot less mean now.”  Oh hell no.  I replied, “Sir I was never mean.  I was just stern and needed you to understand the rules.”  He then said, “Well it was kind of attractive actually.”  Ewe.  Did he really just flirt with me?  Super douche. 

After several long minutes of yacht banter he asked for the check.  Only two beers: under $15.  He left me three dollars.   You'd think after everything he'd put me through he'd at least hook me up with five bucks.  Again, wrong yacht price tier. 

Douche. 

Guess you have to have a douche at your table every now and again to help you appreciate the cool and law abiding guests even more.  

And for the record, it never rained while the douche was there. ~HK~