So there's this girl...

So there's this tiny girl with big, wavy brunette hair who's been in twice within the past week or so.  She is one of the most bizarre people I’ve ever waited on.

She's allergic to everything but doesn't know what's in anything.  

On her first visit, for example, she actually asked me, “Does ice cream have fat in it?  I’m allergic to fat.”  Seriously?  Who doesn’t know ice cream has fat.  She continued, “What’s it made of?”  Again, who doesn’t know what ice cream is made of – milk, cream and sugar.  Then she asked, “Does sorbet have less fat?  It’s high in sugar though?  I’m allergic to sugar too.”  Okay.  At least she knew sorbet has high sugar content.  But really, allergic to fat?  Allergic to sugar?  Is this girl for real?  Or is this her deranged method of dieting - claiming allergies.  Whatever the case may be, this girl is no fun to be at a restaurant with.  She can’t have a boyfriend either. There’s just no way.

Every time I walked by her table, she’d get my attention, then start asking me more ridiculous questions.  “Do you use organic fruit?  Does this salad dressing have dairy?”  Of course, after her laundry list of questions, she still didn’t order anything.  The problem with these types of diners is that they’re incredibly time consuming, with virtually zero financial gain.  All questions, no decisions, no ordering of any kind.   Basically, one of the worst types of diners out there.  We, as servers, spend all of our time with these types, taking us away from other tables who are actually ordering food and beverage, and who will be tipping us appropriately.  And this issue almost always snowballs, eventually affecting our entire section of diners.  Because having to spend time with Miss Gazillion Questions actually takes us away from our clients who will be ordering promptly and who will be tipping us based on our performance.  So if we’re not around for them, our tip average just keeps plummeting all around us.  

On top of her so-called allergies and ridiculous ordering banter, she has a yappy dog named Fox (who looks exactly like a fox.. how creative) and who barks at all the other dogs. When he starts barking more than usual, the girl picks the dog up with her two hands like a baby, hold him nose to nose and says,”Nnnnno,” which as you can imagine, does not do a lot of good to stop him from barking.  If fact, it probably reinforces this behavior. 

Frustrating girl.  Annoying as hell dog.  They’re a match made in heaven. 

On her second visit, our conversation started like this:

Me: Hi again, how are you today?

Her: Good.

Me:  Something to drink to get you started?

Her:  Um, I’m allergic to alcohol.

Me:  Sure, iced tea, soda, juice?

Her:  I’m allergic to sugar.

Me:  Oh yes, that’s right.  (Keep in mind, she did end up ordering mango sorbet on her first visit.) I’ll get you an ice water.

Her:  I can’t have ice.  No ice please.

Me:  OK.  (Can’t have ice?!?) Something to eat then?

Her:  Well, I’m not really hungry right now, I just ate. 

Me:  OK.  Well then I’ll just let you relax for a while. 

I walked away and thought, “Really girl? Then what the hell are you actually doing here?”   

The first time she dined, she finally decided to design her own sushi role, then over 45 minutes later, went with the mango sorbet (allergic to sugar, I think not!).  On her second visit, she only ordered miso soup, which took her about 45 minutes to figure out, because she "wasn’t hungry" when she arrived.   

This is one form of an eating disorder I never knew existed. 

As much as I'm talking smack, I embrace these types of people.  They fascinate me.  I just can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like living in these people’s heads for a day.  I can only pray she comes back so I can wait on her again.  Even though she’s annoying to serve, she gives me great material to write about.   

And she makes me thankful I don’t live in a world where I’m scared of fat and sugar.  
~ HK ~