Go Ducks!

It’s amazing how graduating from the same university will create an instant bond among strangers.   

At the end of an otherwise extremely boring and uneventful shift, four men strolled onto the patio and sat themselves in my section.

Normally, seating yourself at a fine dining establishment is frowned upon. 

However, I noticed one of the men wearing a University of Oregon vest and another was wearing a U of O hat. After seeing this, I was no longer annoyed in any way. 

In fact, it made me smile.  I graduated from the University of Oregon in 2002. 

I immediately dug into the subject.

“So are you all Oregon alumni or are you just Duck fans?  Or do you live in Eugene  (where the university is)?”  One guy took the floor.  “We're all Ducks.  We all went there.  We all still live in Eugene and we all work for the university.  You?”

“Wow.  Awesome!  I love it! Yes, I graduated from there over a decade ago. I loved that I went there. Best decision I ever made,” I responded. 

An instant bond formed.  I asked about the newest additions to the campus, Marcus Mariota and how they think our football team will do next year.  I told them I went to the Rose Bowl (on New Years Day two month ago in which Oregon won) and the conversation just flowed from there.  They knew I was a diehard fan and a true alumna.

They wanted local beers, as expected.  Portland, Oregon (just two hours north of Eugene), is considered one of the top five best craft beer destinations in the US similar to San Diego’s micro-brew reputation.

Three of them ordered local brewery Ballast Point’s famous Sculpin IPA. The fourth Oregon guy asked for a Coors Light.  Seriously?  I told him we have Bud, Miller Lite and Michelob Ultra for our domestic beers.  He chose Mich Ultra.  Jokingly, I said, “Ok…. So I guess you’re choosing to hydrate yourself instead of getting an actual buzz.”  They all laughed (well, except for the guy who ordered the beer flavored water).  He responded, “Awww, come on…”  I felt slightly bad and replied sincerely, "I’m sorry.  I totally understand.  We all need a light beer every now and again.” 

One of the “real” beer drinkers said, “It’s all good.  You’re a Duck." 

Exactly.  All was forgiven.

And that’s exactly my point. 

If you have a common bond with someone (even a stranger you just met in a professional atmosphere), you can let your guard down and simply be yourself.  You can tease, joke, share a laugh and not worry.  Because whether it’s a bond over a city you grew up in, a common passion or interest, or graduating from the same university, when strangers can relate with one another over a commonality, there’s nothing like it. 

As I was in the side station putting other guests’ orders into the computer, the guy in the Oregon vest came up to me and said he was ready to pay.  Their bill was $125.  He pulled out two $100 bills and told me to keep the change. 

Wow.  I sure am a proud and lucky Duck today.  ~ HK ~

Hyper Needy "Medicine" Woman

As I was entering drinks into the computer, an eager and somewhat frazzled lady in her fifties bolted into the restaurant and walked up to me. 

She immediately spoke.  “I just flew in from the East Coast.  I’m looking for a simple protein and vegetable dish.  Do you have something like that here?   I mean, like… what kind of simple fish dishes do you have?  Like with a simple side dish with no seasoning or sauces?  Is that possible?  Can you do that?  Sorry.  Are you busy or is there someone else I should ask…?”

 Easy there, tiger.  Slow down. 

I smiled and responded calmly, “We have lots of fish entrees here.  They all come with their own side dishes.   But you can substitute all veggies instead of rice or potatoes.  I'll show you our menu so you can read more.” 

I had five or six tables at that moment but decided not to be rude and show her lots of options.

She browsed the menu for a few seconds.  Then she asked me if she could order a fish ‘A la carte.  I can almost guarantee any other server at our restaurant would have said no… and I should have said no as well.  However, being the people-pleasing hospitable person I am, I said yes.

Bad decision.

After she continued on and on with her exhausting amount of questions, she finally decided she wanted to get a table.  I told her to see the greeter and she would be more than happy to seat her.  The needy woman immediately asked if she could sit in my station. 

Of course.   I knew I shot myself in the foot on this one. 

I greeted her at the table.  She smiled and let me know how happy she was to sit in my section.  She was over-the-top excited, complementary and kept telling me thank you and how great I was.  I should have known at this point it was all a performance.  She agreed to order what we'd discussed: a side of Ahi tuna with a side of grilled asparagus with no butter and no seasoning. 

After about ten minutes after I put her order in, I walked by her table and she waved me over. “Heidi!!!  Umm… so… I like red wine.  But I’m on medicine right now and I'm not supposed to drink.   Can I just have like a little taste of a dry red wine?  Just a taste?  Just like a liiiiiiiitttle taste?”  Now, fully annoyed with this woman, I said, “We sell wine by the half glass if you’d like.”  Again. Not too many servers would have even offered that option.  I knew what she was getting at.  But I was just trying to get her to spend more money.  She followed with, “No.  I can't have that much.  Can you just give me a little taste of one?”  Her smile kept beaming bright up at me.  UGH.  I’d already gone this far.  And she is being nice about it.  I might as well give a sip of our house red. 

I literally poured a half an ounce.  She was ecstatic about it when I brought it to her table.  Is she really this happy about a half an ounce of wine?  Maybe it’s her “medicine” that’s the driving force behind her over-the-top excitement?   

What is this woman taking and where can I get some?  Although if she can’t drink wine on this so-called medicine, maybe I don’t want any after all.

She ate her inexpensive side dishes and drank her pointless sip of wine without a complaint.  She finished rather quickly - obviously - then asked me for the check.  Her bill was just under $20 (a typical dinner at our restaurant will cost between $30 and $40 per person).  She kept complimenting me and telling me thank you until the end of her whirlwind stay.  When I picked up her check, my heart sank.  She didn't even sign her credit card slip. 

Zero tip.  Stiffed. 

Granted her check was low.  But I hooked her up royally!  And after everything I did for this woman!  

Grrrrrrr…. I gave her all of my energy since the moment she walked in the door.  I went out of my way to order things exactly as she wanted.  I gave her a free sip of wine.  I did everything right.  What an utter disappointment and complete let down.

Was she really just broke and trying to get out of there as cheap as possible?  Was she really taking some kind of medicine that was making her hyper and seem like a crazy person?   Perhaps she was using a stolen credit card and was a total con artist.  Was her excitability more like nervousness because she knew she was in the middle of a scam?

I guess I will never know.

Regardless, I gave this woman an inch and she took ten miles…  It baffles me there continue to be people like this in this wonderful world we live in. 

I wish I could say, “I'll never do that again.”  But honestly, I know I will. 

I want to believe in the good of humanity.  I want to believe my kindness and generosity will pay off. Not just financially but for the greater good.  I believe in karma and I will continue to live this way.  

And this lady’s karma is about to catch up with her… with every free sip of wine along the way.  

~ HK ~

Ahi Tuna Nightmare

A good-looking couple in their 50’s sat in my section.  Everything started off smooth.  They chose a decent bottle of wine and there was general pleasant chitchat.    We began to discuss the menu and the wife asked if I preferred the Ahi tuna or the salmon. 

The damn preference question.

As severs, we get the “What do you prefer?” question all the time.   This is always a difficult question to answer (unless of course one dish really does suck and the other one is freaking fantastic).  Even still, everyone has different tastes.  And if we say one is better than the other and the guest ends up disliking or hating our selection, we feel like it’s our fault.  People love and hate the same dish all the time.  The best we can do is respond to this loathed question with overall guests’ opinions.

Using this logic, when her husband decided to order the Ahi, I suggested to the wife to order the salmon.  Unless I have 100% confidence that the guests will love the same dish, I will usually suggest the guests to choose two different items.   Lord help me if I suggest a dish which they both order and both end up hating it.

When I came back to get their order they both decided on the Ahi. Good.  She didn’t go with my suggestion.  I’m off the hook.  Hey, people want what they want.  He wanted his prepared sliced rare, sushi style.  She wanted hers seared rare, filet style.  I put the order into the computer.  As I walked by their table, the wife flagged me down.  I walked over, “Yes?”  She said, “You know what.  I changed my mind.  I want the salmon instead.”  Ugh.  Of course.  I politely responded, “Absolutely.  Let me go run back to the kitchen and let the chef know.” 

So now she chose what I originally suggested. 

I hustled back to the kitchen to tell them to change the seared rare Ahi to the salmon entrée.  Okay.  Not that big of a deal. 

Twenty minutes passed and the food was delivered.  I went over to check on them.  “How is everything?”  The lady gives me an odd look.  Uh oh.  She poked around her salmon for a bit and said, “You know. I hate to say this but it’s really greasy.  Way too much oil and butter.  It’s like I can feel the grease going directly to my forehead as I’m eating it.” 

Really lady.  Grease is going to your forehead...?   I’m not joking.  Those were her exact words. 

“I’m so sorry you feel that way,” I said apologetically. 

Case in point.  I told her to get the salmon and now it’s “greasy” and she doesn’t like it.   Salmon is an oily fish. Duh.  Who doesn’t love a buttery salmon?  Apparently this lady.  But whatever.  So now I feel like she hates the dish I recommended and therefore also hates me.   

Instead of the salmon, she decided she wants the Ahi after all.  Like she originally ordered.  Grrrrr.  She told me, “I just want exactly what he’s having,” as she pointed at her husband’s Ahi, which he’d ordered rare and sliced.

I ordered the Ahi in the computer and ran back to the kitchen again to tell them to rush it.  Within five minutes, the food runner brought out the Ahi.  Thankfully the kitchen rushed it and the Ahi came out quickly.  It was rare, after all.  That helps.  I ran over to check on her. 

“Everything great?” I asked.   She replied, “Well I thought I ordered this seared rare.” 

Oh my god.  I can’t win with this woman!   

Okay, in her defense, when she first ordered it, yes she ordered it seared.  But when she ordered it the second time, she stated she wanted “exactly that.”  So that’s how I ordered it.

I felt defeated.  I had to explain myself.  “You said you wanted ‘exactly’ what he was eating.  I thought that’s what you meant: sliced rare like he ordered it.”  She looked annoyed.  I was definitely annoyed.  In a flash of genius, I thought of a brilliant follow up. “Also, now knowing you don’t like oil I thought you wouldn’t like it seared because the chef uses oil when he sears the fish.”

Boo-ya! 

The husband agreed.  “She’s fine. This is fine.”  She gave in, “ Yes this will work.” 

Thank god. 

After everything I went through – changing the order, re-ordering, rushing the re-order and rushing to the kitchen multiple times – and as apologetic and as genuine as I was - and I didn’t even charge them for her entrée because their dining experience was a nightmare (of course all because of her - but again whatever) -  they only tipped me a mere ten percent on the discounted check. 

High maintenance and low tippers.  The worst.  Yuck. 

If you’re going to be high maintenance, at least be nice about it ... and tip well.   And if you do have a dish preference question, please don’t hold it against the server if you don't’ like it. 

___ 

PS:  I don't let this kind of trivial stuff bother me.  Yes, it's annoying.  But after people like this leave the restaurant, I let the annoyance of the situation leave my brain as well.  And if you can't let it go, you shouldn't be waiting tables.  ~HK~